Lords of Parody James Blond
by Dr. Simon Overlord
Summary: A take-off on James Bond, a character known as James Blond and his new girlfriend, Felisha, battle spoofs of other characters. And if you are skeptical, try leaving out the "L" on James Bond, and a few of the characters, and you've got a fanfic.
1. Silverfinger

This was written previous from learning of this site. In that time, I wrote a "parody", where I changed the names and wrote them in a sort of movie scripting form. In a latter date, I may even change this to a form easier to understand to the outsider.

The "Lords of Parody" is a group that takes popular films and adds some comedy and removes any particularily adult content. I have written other "scripts" besides this one, and I invite you to look at them as well. On that note, enjoy the script.

James Blond in

Silverfinger

Script

This is parodied off of Goldfinger. It is part of the James Bond Series.

JAMES BLOND shoots towards the audience just as an old lady walks by causing her to fall over

Scene 1

A dangerous (and possibly **high**) place outside

Mr. Evil-Guy-That-Is-Not-Quite-The-Villain: Give me the code or you die (Looks towards the audience) Felisha!

Felisha: No, Mr. Evil-Guy-That-Is-Not-Quite-The-Villain! I will not permit you to get it!

Mr. EGTINQTV: Then I will have to Look towards the audience Kill you. [No. 5]

Felisha: Oh, no! What am I ever to do?

BLOND enters in grandeur

Mr. Not-Quite-Villain: Oh, no! It is James Blond!

Blond: It is time for you to give up, Mr. Evil-Guy-That-Is-Not-Quite-The-Villain!

Mr. NQV: I prefer George, my real name.

Blond: Absolutely. What?

Mr. NQV: I said my real name is George!

Blond: Huh?

Felisha: His real name is George. But you can call him Mr. Evil-Guy-That-Is-Not-Quite-The-Villain.

Mr. NQV: Noooooooooooooooooo!!

Felisha: Te, he, he.

Blond: Now I must get you out of here! But first, I must know your name!

Felisha: But why?

Blond: Because I have to ask you before I forget so that I can make some pun about it in the climax scene.

Felisha: Well, if you must know Tosses hair my name is Felisha.

Blond: Let's go!

Mr. NQV: Not if I can help it!

Action Scene Begins

Blond's right hand hits a punch on Mr. NQV's jaw

Mr. NQV: How dare you!

NQV punches Blond in stomach, which triggers Blond to fall over. NQV points gun at Blond's fallen body.

NQV: Move and you're dead.

Blond: You are a very evil man, Mr. Evil-Guy-That-Is-Not-Quite-The-Villain!

Felisha: Yes. You are crazy!

NQV: How dare you!

Blond: Oooooh, can I get up again? I want a Blizzard from Dairy Queen!

NQV: This is Russia. In the winter.

Blond: Soooooooooooo?

Felisha: So, he wants you to go to Florida before eating a Blizzard.

NQV: I hate you.

Felisha: looking in NQV's direction And he wants me to come with.

NQV: That's it! Points gun at Felisha Say your prayers, girl!

Felisha: Innocently Oh no! Someone help me!

Blond: I'll save you, Felisha! [007]

Action Scene Continues

Blond jumps in front of Felisha

NQV: Blond! I forgot about you! Here is a present for you.

NQV shoots at Blond. In this shot, Felisha disappears while Blond does a Matrix thing with his hands while NQV shoots at him with two guns.

Felisha: in a different place than she originally was Oh-- wait, I don't know his name!

Blond is still doing the Matrix thing. He quickly pulls out his gun and shoots NQV. He falls over.

Felisha: I love your British accent.  
Blond: I never realized I had a British accent.  
Felisha: Oh. Well, you do.  
Blond: OK. What is your last name, Felisha?  
Felisha: Marigold.  
Blond: Wow. That's cool.  
Felisha: Thanks. By the way, what is your name?  
Ninjas start attacking  
Blond: One moment.  
The ninjas close in on them. Blond pulls a rope out of his pocket, throws it, makes it hook onto a tree, and pulls him and Felisha up  
Blond: Name's Blond. James Blond.  
(Show beginning credits)

Scene 2  
In Blond's headquarters

Done slowly  
L: while eating yogurt (Sigh)  
H: Blond.  
L: 006.  
H: Why?  
L: Idiot.  
H: Late.  
L: Again.  
H: Where?  
L: Some girl's house.  
H: No!  
L: Yes.  
(Pause)  
H: Blond.  
L: 006.  
(Sit in silence)  
Tommy: OK, so I have this super cool invention! Come here and see it!  
L: (Sigh) Coming.  
H: Blond.  
L: Come on. He's your apprentice.

Scene 3  
In the Lab

H: What do you have?  
Tommy: Two things. One, a really awesome car that allows you to drive while shooting, speeds as high as 300 MPH, has protective glass on the windshield, has guns on the bumper, and has drink holders and a little cup included.  
L: What is the second thing?  
Tommy: Oh, right. The second thing.  
H: What is it?  
Tommy: Yeah. Hold it one second. digs though a pile Here it is!  
H: What?  
Tommy: Shave the creme! Shaving creme!  
Helper enters  
Helper: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!  
L: What is it?  
Helper: Well, there's good news and there bad news.  
L: Let's hear the bad news.  
Helper: The bad news is that a guy without a shirt on outside.  
L: disgusted What's the good news?  
Helper: It's 006!  
L: Angry 006!?! TELL HIM TO PUT HIS SHIRT ON AND MEET ME IN THE MISSION ROOM AS SOON AS ME AND H CALM DOWN!  
Helper: Right away, Mam.

Scene 4  
In Blond's headquarters

Helper: Mr. Blond... [Secret Agent Man] ...L told me to tell you...  
Enter Blond  
Helper:...L told me to tell you...  
Blond and two girls do the dance to Secret Agent Man  
Blond: Yes, Mrs. Cucumber?  
Helper: L told me to tell you to go into the mission room...  
Blond: After she calms down. Right?  
Helper: You are far too good at things that are definitely not in your job description.  
Blond: Speaking of things that are not in my job description...  
Helper: No, Mr. Blond. I am having dinner with my parents tonight.  
Blond: Maybe some other time.

Scene 5  
In The Mission Room

L: slightly angry Come in.  
Blond: I'm sorry I'm late. I had some business to take care of.  
L: Yeah, right. You had some girl to take care of.  
Blond: Girls aren't business?  
L: (Sigh) No, 006. But, anyway, there is a new mission. There is a bad man named Fru-Fru Silverfinger. He works for S.P.A.M.  
Blond: What does S.P.A.M stand for anyway?  
L: Stupid People that Are Mean.  
Blond: Oh. Well, can Felisha come with me?  
L: Felisha?  
Felisha Enters  
Felisha: Hello, L. So you are the one that is in the picture up front. You look, like, you could be 80.  
L aims to punch Felisha, but catch she catches it.  
L: Ooh, good.  
Felisha: Wow. High temper.  
L: No. I just wanted a reason to punch one of 006's girls.  
Felisha: Yeah. I can understand why.  
L: See you two after the mission is complete.  
Felisha: When are we due back?  
L: April 17.  
Felisha: We won't be one minute late.  
L: Bye!

Scene 6  
Silver-Lair

Silverfinger: Hello, Everyone of turns head towards camera S.P.A.M. I am sure that everyone here got the memo.  
Mr. Nutjob: No I didn't!  
Silverfinger: Then how did you get here?  
Cutie: I got the memo and then I drove him here.  
Silverfinger: Impossible! Nutjob never lets woman drive him anywhere!  
Nutjob: She convinced me.  
Silverfinger: Well- anyhow, there is an agent that is coming, so we need to be prepared for him.  
Cutie: Who is it?  
Silverfinger: He is 006, also known as James Blond.  
Cutie: gasp James Blond?!? He will be the end of us all!  
Silverfinger: That was what you said when A.U.N.T attacked, and remember what happened?  
Cutie: Well, that was different. James Blond could never be that wimpy.  
Silverfinger: Wimpy? They all, ALL of them fell over after one of them sneezed.  
Cutie: Well, I know this time I will be right and he will be the end of us all. Now we need to hurry because he will track us down within hours I'm sure.  
Silverfinger: Alright. Maybe you're right on this one.

Scene 7

ChillOut Island

Blond: Well, let's rest here. This seems to be just fine.  
Felisha: Mr. Blond, don't you think we should find Mr. Silverfinger before you rest in paridise?  
Blond: Couldn't we stay here for just a little bit though? See if there is any evil lurking here?  
Felisha: sees something she finds appealing Yeah, OK. I'll look over here. runs off  
Blond: OK. I will see if that chocolate muffin is poisoned.

Scene 8  
ChillOut Island  
Relax Cafe

Sever #1: How may I help you?  
Blond: Hmmmmmmmm.  
Sever #1: Coffee?  
Blond: No, it is warm enough here.  
Sever #1: You are creepy, man.  
Blond: What? I was just referring to the warm climent.  
Sever #1: Sure. I will get another sever for you.  
Blond: I am not that dumb! You are though! Dumb person. I won't even tip. Yeah! How do you like that? Who da man now? I da man! You are a dumb dumbo! Dumby dumb dumbo! I am HUNGRY!  
Sever #2: He he. You funny.  
Blond: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.  
Sever #2: She CRAZY again? I mean, she get SUPER crazy. She think last customer stalker Base he looked outside the seat to see if his waffles were ready. Sooooooo, you want food?  
Blond: Yes, I would like a chocolate muffin. And some orange juice.  
Sever #2: Choco muffin, orange juice. Yup, yup, got it. Noting else?  
Blond: No.  
Sever #2: Okey, dokey. I bring back quickly as I can. exits  
Blond: to himself That sever needs to go to a mental isnsetution. I am forced to complain.  
Sever #2: Here you choco muffin and Oh, OJ. You want anything else?  
Blond: I would like to speak to the owner.  
Sever #2: surprised De Owner?!? Why?!?  
Blond: I do not approve of their staff.  
Sever #2: disheartened Ya mean ME?  
Blond: No, the one before you.  
Sever #2: happily Oh, OK. in a sense of impending doom Not..... The Owner! The Doctor?  
Blond: He's a doctor? Doctor what?  
Sever #2: extremely cheesy Dr. Yes!  
Blond: No!  
Sever #2: Yes.  
Blond: quickly What's wrong with Dr. Yes?  
Sever #2: Me don't know. Here, I show you to he desk.

Scene 9  
ChillOut Island  
Dr. Yes's Office

Sever #2: Here. I get him. they do  
Fake Dr. Yes: he is dressed in a Santa suit Ho, ho, ho! What would you like for Christmas?  
Blond: You're Dr. Yes?  
Fake: Ho, ho, ho, you bet!  
Blond: Santa! I want a toy train for Christmas!  
Fake: Here, sit down on this chair.  
Blond: But Santa, why?  
Fake: If you don't do what I tell you I will give you coal!  
Blond: sits OK, Santa, now I want... he is strapped to the seat  
Fake: in a normal evil voice Didn't anyone tell you, Santa doesn't Exist!  
Blond: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!  
Dr. Yes: Impossible. No Mission is Impossible!  
Blond: Then why is there a movie called Mission Impossible?  
Dr. Yes: Do you expect me to know? They just had to have a cheesy title.  
Blond: You're a lunatic.  
Dr. Yes: Yes!!!!!  
Blond: Wait! You're the real Dr. Yes!  
Sever #2: No!  
Dr. Yes: Yes!!!!!  
Blond: And you're Asian?  
Dr. Yes: Yes!!!!!  
Blond: And you are planning to kill me?  
Dr. Yes: Yes!!!!!  
Blond: And you want to take my girlfriend?  
Dr. Yes: Yes!!!!! pause No!!!!!  
Blond: And you're going to tell me every detail of you plan?  
Dr. Yes: Yes!!!!!  
Blond: Start talking.  
Dr. Yes: Ooooh, you're tricky. I'm gonna have problems with you.  
Blond: Yes.

Scene 10  
F.I.V.E Office

Girl at the desk #1: F.I.V.E Office, How may we help you? listens to other end I will make sure to tell him. listens Excuse me? listens I'm sorry, I am very busy, sir. listens Oh, my! You are a total creep! listens and says ashamedly I-I'm v-very s-s-sorry sir. I, I promise not to ever insult you again. I am so sorry. So--- he hangs up  
Girl at the desk #2: F.I.V.E Office, How may I help you? listens I'll make sure to tell him. listens Wha? listens Wow, are you sure? listens Yeah. I'll see you tonight.  
005 enters  
005: Hey, Tiff, what's the messages?  
Girl #1: Mother called, said she loves her little-  
005: Yes. Next?  
Girl #1: Mary Lynne called saying tell the two-timing-  
005: Next.  
Girl #1: Kent called saying he had 6,000,000,000 bundles of Tipominium at his hands and that he could make quadrillions of T.Y.s easily.  
005: Next.  
Girl #1: Legolas called saying he wanted to talk to you about using a guy falling in love with an elf in your next film and possible copyright lawsuits. He also finds it offensive you would use it for a romantic comedy...  
005: Tell him that his emotions towards this film are in vain.  
Girl #1: Next?  
005: Yeah. Next.  
Girl #1: Mr. Blond called...  
005: 006?!? The one that took my place after retirement?  
Girl #1: Yes, sir.  
005: Tell him to keep up the good work! He makes me feel safe retiring.  
Girl #1: About that......  
005: What?  
Girl #1: He is imprisoned by Dr. Yes!  
005: No!  
Girl #2: Yes.  
Girl #1: Go away.  
Girl #2: Didn't you forget Mr. Gordwin?  
Girl #1: Mr. Gordwin called saying that he has the perfect guns for you.  
Girl #2: And he said if I wanted to go on a date!  
005: Mr. Gordwin's married.  
Mrs. Gordwin enters  
Mrs. Gordwin: Were you talking about my honey buns?  
005: nervously Just listening about phone messages. Nothing much about your husband. Next?  
Girl #1: Mr. Blond...  
005: Mr. Blond! I need to bail him out!

Scene 11  
The Yes Room  
Note: This part is done quietly

Dr. Yes: snoring  
Blond: I need to get out of here.  
Felisha: Yeah, me too.  
Blond: I am so sorry.  
Felisha: No, it wasn't your fault that he tied me up to a chair as well as you.  
Blond: I wonder if 005 even got my message.

Loudly

005 slams the doors open, is holding a large gun  
005: James Blond! An Asian trapped you?  
Dr. Yes: My name is Dr. Yes!  
005: No!  
Blond: Yes.  
Felisha: Jepers.  
005 Helper: I am here. What do you need me for?  
Blond: Escape!  
Dr. Yes: Yes!!! I mean, NO!!!!!!! I will kill you all!  
Blond: But then we couldn't escape.  
005: I think that's the point.  
Blond: Oh. Then we shall fight!  
Dr. Yes Shoots a gun and hits Blond  
Blond: Aaahhhhhhhhhhh! Run away!  
[The Man From U.N.C.L.E. ]

Thus begins The Chase Scene

James Blond runs aimlessly eventually causing him to hit the wall and fall over. Dr. Yes runs up and punches Blond in face. Blond falls down again. He gets up and punches Dr. Yes. Dr. Yes falls over and Blond runs away. Felisha is hiding and is found by Fake Dr. Yes dressed in a Santa suit.

Fake: Ho, ho, ho?

Felisha kicks him and he falls over. Felisha starts to run away, but Fake Dr. Yes tackles her.

Fake: You are now to die!

Felisha: How?

Fake: Burned.

Felisha: If I wouldn't die, I would marry you.

Fake: Really?

Felisha rolls over, causing her to be on top of Fake Dr. Yes.

Felisha: No.

Felisha punches Fake Dr. Yes in face. She runs away.  
Blond shoots through the wall, running out with Felisha by her side.  
Felisha: Oh, Mr. Blond! You are so courageous!  
Blond: You forget that our mission is not complete! We must now defeat Mr. Silverfinger! [Goldfinger]  
In this point it shows James Blond and Felisha traveling across the country. First on a boat, Blond pays the man to row the boat across. The man does, where it shows Felisha smiling contently. Next, Blond + Felisha go onto a train. A man starts shooting and Blond throws a sleeping dart at him, while Felisha keeps the same expression as on the boat. Next, Blond + Felisha ride on an elephant. A man on a horse starts chasing them, and they get away. They get off the elephant.  
Blond: Here we are.  
Felisha: suddenly looking sober Yes. Thank you for informing me.  
They walk up to a building  
Felisha: What is that?  
Blond: Why, that is the place where we shall find Silverfinger. [No. 5]

Scene 12  
Silver-Lobby

Cutie: Hi, how may I help you?  
Blond: Well...  
Felisha: We would like to speak to Mr. Silverfinger.  
Cutie: No!  
Blond: Yes.  
Felisha: Yes.  
Cutie: Oh. Well, you are obviously not the Russian government, so I'm afraid you will have to leave immediately.

10 Minutes later

Blond: in a rough russian accent and dressed in a lot of coats and wearing a fake beard I am Russian Prime Minster. I here to see Silverfinger.  
Cutie: Yes. Right this way.  
Blond: Silverfinger not mind if I bring goat?  
Cutie: I guess not.  
Blond: Come goat.  
Felisha: in a goat costume Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.  
Cutie: Oh. That is such a cute goat! Can I pet him?  
Blond: It a her. Goat, you want girl to pet you?  
Felisha: nodding Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.  
Blond: She say yes.  
Cutie: How can she do that?  
Blond: She smart goat.  
Cutie: She is a very smart goat. Oh, here is Mr. Silverfinger's office. Come right in.

Scene 13  
Silverfinger's office

Felisha: as they are entering You owe me big.  
Blond: in his regular voice Quiet, goat.  
Mr. Silverfinger: not seen Good morning, Virengo. How is Russia? enters room Hold it. Where is Verengo?  
Blond: He was killed. I new Prime Minister.  
Silverfinger: Do you have a name?  
Blond: Boilim. Quircky Boilim. You is Silverfinger, correct?  
Silverfinger: Indeed. I am. So, Prime Minister, I expected Verengo, but no matter. I can do off with you too.  
Blond: Do off? What for?  
Silverfinger: War. What else?  
Felisha: in a goat sounding voice Nooooooooo.  
Silverfinger: What?  
Blond: in his normal voice My goat doesn't like that.  
Silverfinger: A talking goat? An English Russian Prime Minister?  
Blond: Name's Blond. James Blond.  
Felisha: imitating Blond Felisha. Felisha Marigold.  
Silverfinger: That's weird. You sound more Russian than the last Russian Prime Minister.  
Felisha: That's because he's perfect. [007]  
Blond: [007] stops Not now, Felisha.  
Felisha: Right on, Mr. Blond.  
Silverfinger: Now, a fight to the death! [No. 5]  
Blond: Why?  
Silverfinger: Good point. I should kill the real Russian Prime Minister.  
Blond: No. I will not permit you!  
Silverfinger: Then I challenge you to a fight to the death! [No. 5]  
Blond: I except! [James Bond Theme]  
Blond takes out his gun and starts shooting randomly.  
Felisha: Gosh! Are you out of your mind? Kids are going to see this movie! At least cut down to shooting Silverfinger.  
Blond starts to shoot a ton at Silverfinger, who runs away. Blond chases him.

Scene 14  
Silverfinger's office  
Silverfinger's belcony

Blond Shoots thrice. He sees Silverfinger. He shoots again.  
Silverfinger: What are we doing? We should not fight, we should make up. Shake?  
Blond: Mr. Silverfinger, I am not that dumb. shoots  
The following shot is done incredebly slowly. Silverfinger is shot in the arm, and slowly falls out as he touches the place where the bullet hit him. Blond looks down the place where Silverfinger fell.  
Felisha enters  
Felisha: You did the right thing, James.  
Blond: Did I, Felisha?

Scene 15  
Blond's headquarters

L: No!  
Felisha: No!  
Blond: Yes.  
L: Unbileveible.  
Blond: Who knew?  
L: I should have suspected. They both work for S.P.A.M. It's only reasonable.  
Blond: Still. Dr. Yes?  
Felisha: No!  
L: Yes.  
Felisha: No!  
Blond: Yes.  
Felisha: No!  
Blond: Yes.  
Felisha: No!  
Blond: Yes.  
Felisha: No!  
Blond: Yes.  
Felisha: No!  
Blond: Yes.  
Felisha: No!  
Blond: Yes.  
L: Quiet! You have to stop them!  
Felisha: Yes.  
Blond: Yes.  
L: Old mission. New villain.  
Blond: Let's go. [James Bond Theme]

Scene 16  
3 Days later  
Japan

Blond: Japan is beutiful.  
Felisha: It sure is.  
Blond: There is only one thing more beutiful.  
Felisha: What is that? _pause _Oh, James.  
Blond: Felisha.

Fade to black

*[] means that whichever song name written inside the box to start playing

** something in italics is blocking or notes about the part, not a line.


	2. From Japan With Hate

This was written previous from learning of this site. In that time, I wrote a "parody", where I changed the names and wrote them in a sort of movie scripting form. In a latter date, I may even change this to a form easier to understand to the outsider.

The "Lords of Parody" is a group that takes popular films and adds some comedy and removes any particularly adult content. I have written other "scripts" besides this one, and I invite you to look at them as well. On that note, enjoy the script.

James Blond in

From Japan

With Hate

Sequel to Silverfinger

Blond shoots at the audience, from behind the camera, someone makes noise of a startled sheep.

Scene 1

At The Train Station

Takes place 1 hour after the second-to-last scene

Blond: Two tickets to Japan, please.

Doinko: No! Who do you think you are!?!

Blond: Please, sir…

Doinko: I hate you! I honestly don't know why I married you!

Blond: Sir… please get off your phone.

Doinko: OK, just a minute. _On his phone_ Goodbye! I don't love you! _Closes his phone _How may I help you?

Blond: I'd like two tickets to Japan, please.

Doinko: Oh, sure. _While getting them_ Why do you need to get them? Are you a spy? Naw, I'm just joking. Say, have you seen a blue bag? About this big... _starts to size out how big it is_

Blond: No, I'd just like tickets to Japan.

Doinko: They're coming. Now, where were you the night of the 16th?

Felisha: _dressed up as ticket person_ Tickets right here... _gasp_ Is that you? Uncle Freddy? When was the last time I... open the gate _Doinko does so _Come on in! It's all right! _Blond does so nervously_ Oh give me a hug...

Blond: Please... Lor..Mi..Ni.. Lorminic?

Felisha: Oh Uncle Freddy, come on in this way! Into the plane!

Blond: _as felisha is dragging him_ Tickets won't be.. I'll get them later...don't get them... for now...

Felisha: _as she finally gets him aside _Uncle Freddy! _Laughs_ I'll get us into one of the lower class seats so we aren't noticed.

Blond: Perfect.

Felisha: Talking about me or my plan? _Laughs again_ Never mind. Talk later. Right now, we have to get to Japan!

Blond: I here hear there is beautiful landscape there!

Beginning Credits

Scene 2

At The Japanese Holiday Inn

Hotel Service Person #1: _with a horrible Japanese accent_ Your name please?

Blond: Name's Blond. James Blond.

HSP #1: Yeah, and I'm Chuck Norris. Your REAL name please.

Felisha: _steps in front of Blond_ Felisha Merigold.

HSP #1: You with him?

Felisha: Yes.

HSP #1: What is your friend's name, please?

Felisha: James Blond.

HSP #1: You kids are wasting my time! Who are you two?!? _meekly _Please.

Blond: She's Felisha and I'm Blond.

HSP #1: I can see that, but what is your name?

Blond: James Blond!

HSP #1: Purple Dishwasher Detergent!

Blond: I just need to track down Silverfinger and Dr. Yes!

HSP #1: No!

Blond: Yes!

HSP #1: No!

Felisha: Yes!

HSP #1: No!

Blond: Yes!

HSP #1: No!

Felisha: Yes!

HSP #1: I'm calling security!

Blond: I'm calling L!

_HSP #1 Exits and Blond gets out his cell phone and dials L's number_

In Blond's Headquarters

L: I'm sorry, H, he's already in Japan! _Her phone rings. She answers it_ Hello?

(in Between)

Blond: L! The security won't let me in to the hotel! She doesn't believe I'm James Blond.

L: 006! What the... huh? _Beat _Ooooohhhhh! Find Doinko. He knows me.

Blond: OK, I'll put you on hold. My phone play music like when telemarketers put people on...

L: OK, 006, but get moving! Before I loose my patience.

_Blond closes/presses a button on his phone and looks around_

Japanese Holiday Inn

Blond: Anyone named Doinko around here?

_Doinko enters_

Doinko: Hello!

Blond: Are you Doinko?

Doinko: You bet!

Blond: Can I ask you a question?

Blond Headquarters

L: Why does he need it so much?

H: It would help him out!

L: 006 doesn't need mind control to get himself in to the hotel. _Blond is back_

Blond: I'm gonna need some kind of mind control to get outta this one.

L: What do you mean?

Blond: Doinko denies knowing you. Probably the thing where you can't tell other people about who you met at work.

L: What thing?

Blond: You know... that happened at my dentist's office one time!

L: I don't care. _Sighs_ H will be coming with a mind control device soon.

Blond: Wait a minute... what? _She has hung up_ Well, I guess I will have to wait.

Scene 3

Silverfinger's Office

April 14th

Silverfinger: _on the phone_ Tell me when Vernigo has arrived. Yes, everything is.. what? What do you mean... agent? What the heck is that supposed to mean? What? Double Oh what? 006? Right. If you get any problems with him, Just kick him out, OK? Thanks. Bye. _Hangs up_ I guess I can take a fresh breath of air before coming in again. _Goes to his balcony_

Silverfinger's Balcony

Silverfinger: Nothing better than a breath of fresh air on a day like...

Dr. Yes: _cough _

Silverfinger: today. I feel particularly...

Dr. Yes: _cough louder_

Silverfinger: Nice. And...

Dr. Yes: _cough as loud as possible_

Silverfinger: Hmm. I heard something. _Beat _Oh well, anyway...

Dr. Yes: _sound of some kind of explosion_

Silverfinger: _he leans over his belcony_ Not coincidence, I guess.

Dr. Yes: Yes...

Silverfinger: Wait...

Dr. Yes: Yes...

Silverfinger: You're...

Dr. Yes: Yes...

Silverfinger: Dr...

Dr. Yes: Yes!!

Silverfinger: No!

Dr. Yes: Yes!

_In the distance _Cutie: Mr. Silverfinger, Mr. Silverfinger...

Silverfinger:_ to cutie _One second! _To Dr. Yes, smiling_ Yes...

Scene 4

Silverfinger's Office

April 14th

Cutie: _on the phone _Mr. Silverfinger, Blond and some chick walked in about five minutes ago.

Silverfinger: Did you do what I told you to do?

Cutie: I kicked him out, just as you said.

Silverfinger: Good. We should have no more problems with this 006.

Cutie: The prime minster should be arriving any minute.

Silverfinger: Until then!

Cutie: Bye. _Both hang up_

Under Silverfinger's Balcony

_Dr. Yes has either a large piece of cloth or a trampoline set under Silverfinger's Belcony. Silverfinger enters above and looks below._

Silverfinger: Is everything ready?

Dr. Yes: Do you have the bulletproof vest on?

Silverfinger: Of course. You have the cloth _or _trampoline?

Dr. Yes: Yes.

Silverfinger: Alright. Glad to have had your help, Doctor.

Dr. Yes: Always a pleasure.

Scene 5

7 Minutes Later

_Footage from __James Blond__ leaving off from the belony_

Silverfinger's Belcony

_James Blond shoots at Silverfinger. Silverfinger dodges. James Blond comes up to him and punches him thrice. Under Silverfinger's Belcony is Dr. Yes and the colth _or _trampoline. Camera jumps back to James Blond shooting at Silverfinger and silverfinger falls. Or so it seems. Camera jumps to Dr. Yes and the cloth _or _trampoline with Silverfinger in it, Silverfinger get out, both run out of the scene._

Scene 6

Japanise Holiday Inn

Present Day

H: Now just press this button and afterwards say a command and they shall do whatever you want.

Blond: Like this? _Presses button in front of H_ Do the macherana.

H:_ humming the tune, he does so. He stops and notices what he's doing _Don't use it unless it's an emergency, 006!

Blond: Why?

H: Because if you don't the battery will run out. And those batteries cost like 40 bucks.

Blond: Oh. OK. Bye!

H: Until then, 006!

Scene 7

The Yes Room

_Dr. Yes is sitting in the Yes Room at the top of the stage. His face is obscured, possibly by the lighting, possibly of his minions, who are circled around him._

Dr. Yes's Minion #1: The plane has landed, my lord.

Dr. Yes: Very good. You shall be rewarded.

Yes's Minion #2: Umm..sir...

Dr. Yes: What is it?

YM2: It's-your..

Dr. Yes: Oh, my face, is it?

YM2: _beat_ Yes, sir.

Dr. Yes: You know why I look like this?

YM1: Look like what- oh, that.

_Dr. Yes's face becomes visable. He has 1. A ton of eyeliner and/or mascara on and 2. has lipstick smeared everywhere near his mouth, possibly making him look like the Joker in The Dark Knight._

Dr. Yes: This.

YM2: That. Yes.

Dr. Yes: Yes. _looks off into the distance and then snaps back, takes out his hand, and air chokes YM2, like in Star Wars._

YM2: Please, my lord! No! Don't! Please! I beg you!! NO! _he dies_

Dr. Yes: _to YM2_ Yes. _to YM1_ Commander, tear that hotel apart until you've found the blond. I want him alive! _Dr. Yes exits, breathing sumwhat like Darth Vader._

_YM1 is still standing there._

YM1: It will be done, my lord.

Scene 8

James Blond's Room

Japanise Holiday Inn

_Doinko knocks at the door_

Blond: Come in.

_Doinko enters_

Doinko: You've got mail!

Blond: Shut up. I hate you.

Doinko: Seriously, I don't know ANYONE named L. The closest person I've ever met to that is named Laura. And you wouldn't know her. She work for the British secret service. Or would you? _beat, then he laughs _Oh, that would be funny! _he exits_

Blond: _oblivious _That Dionko kid really gets on my nerves sometimes. I'm glad that L DOESN'T know him.

_Felisha enters, apparently after taking a shower._

Felisha: Is everything all right?

Blond: Almost. That Doinko, though...

Felisha: Now, James, I'm sure there are plenty of Dionkos in Japan. It's a very common name in Japan, just not in Britain.

Blond: How do you know...

Felisha: It's your British accent, duh.

Blond: My what?

Felisha: You have one of the strongest British accent I've ever heard.

Blond: You know what?

_shot of YM1 and YM3 coming down the hall._

Felisha: What?

_shot of them coming closer_

Blond: did you know....

_and closer_

Blond: That no one

_and closer_

Blond: Has ever said that to me before?

Felisha: Really?

_they are ready to open the door_

Blond: I'm kind of hungry. I'll go get a-

_YM1+YM3 burst in and attack the both, knocking Blond and Felisha out_

Scene 9

Dr. Yes's Office

Fake Dr. Yes: _he is dressed in a Santa suit_ Ho, ho, ho! What would you like for Christmas?

Blond: _skeptically_ You're Dr. Yes?

Fake Dr. Yes: Ho, ho, ho, you bet!

Blond: Santa?

Fake Dr. Yes: Of course, son. You know what I would really love for you to do for me?

Blond: What is it, Santa?

Fake Dr. Yes: Sit down in this chair for me, OK?

Blond: I don't think so, Santa. _he punches Fake in the stomach_

Fake Dr. Yes: Now, why did you do that do old Santey Claus?

Blond: _intimating Fake Dr. Yes _Santa doesn't exist, remember?

Fake Dr. Yes: Crap. _James Blond begins kicking The Fake as the real Dr. Yes enters._

Dr. Yes: What do we have here? I see blondie kicking Santa Claus.

Blond: Dr. Yes!

Fake: No.

Dr. Yes: Yes!

Blond: Hey faker, could you just leave now?

Fake: Should I, master?

Dr. Yes: _looking at Blond _Fine. I have no further use of you. Come back at 4:00. OK?

Fake: Yes, master. _exits_

Dr. Yes: Thank you. Now, Mr. Blond...

Blond: You've changed.

Dr. Yes: Yes. It was very.. liberating.

Blond: _beat_ Tell me... I want to know... where is Felisha?

Dr. Yes: Where- is..._ he laughs_

Blond: _over laughter _Where the heck is she?

Dr. Yes: You doesn't know where your girlfriend is!!! _continues laughing_

Blond: DR. YES!

Dr. Yes: No.

Blond: Yes! I need to know!

Dr. Yes; Yes- and I need to know something too. _grabs his shirt to get in his face _Why... so... Blond?

_Cut to Black_

Scene 10

L's Bedroom

_the lights are off. All of a sudden, ALEX bursts into the room. L turns on her lamp._

L: What in the world is wrong with you?!?

Alex: No time. Dr. Yes is on the loose. You should come over here and see what I was able to tape.

L's Living Room

L: Wait a minute. Would you please tell me what you're doing in my house...

Alex: Here we are. Watch this. _puts tape in the VCR_

On Channel 6

Newsman: Gas is now up to $6 a gallon here up in the twin cities.

L: _extremely sarcastic _Oh, no! Now I have to pay more at the pump! What am I to do?

Alex: Shove it, keep watching.

Newsman: And here's Bob Robertson-

_static, shows Innocent Blonde man and an obviously not news camera_

Dr. Yes: _behind camera _Hello, there, and who might you be?

Innocent Blonde: Uh, my name is Chuck.

Dr. Yes: Now, Chuck, tell me, ARE YOU A NATURAL BLONDE?

IB: No- uh, I got my hair done a couple of days ago.

Dr. Yes: Why?

IB: Uh-why?

Dr. Yes: Yes, Why do you have the same hair color?

IB: You trying to be scary- I don't have to be afraid of scum like you!

Dr. Yes: Yeah, you do, Chuck you really DO._ beat _Now, I have something to say! _turns camera on himself _Will the real Blonde please stand uh-_phone rings. Dr. Yes answers this _What the heck do you think you're doing! I'm trying to- what? The inspector's here? Crap, I thought I rescheduled! Did you tell him I'm doing a little business right now? _beat _What? You know what, couldn't you tell the inspector how I'm a big bad supervillain and I could send Tonails over there and kick him to death! OK, you tell him! _beat, sigh _Yes, you can have a cookie, but just one, OK? I have to soak the rest of them in Anti-Freeze and feed them to the captives. _beat _No, if we feed them brussel sprouts they won't eat them! That's the point! _beat _OK. Love you too. Bye. _hangs up, beat, then evil laugh_

In L's House

L: What's going on?

Alex: What going on!?! I'll tell you what's going on! Dr. Yes has agent 006!

_closeup of L's Face_

Scene 11

Awesome Hotel Room Owned by Dr. Yes

Blond; Ug, where am I? _looks around _It looks like I'm in an awesome hotel room, which is really more like a cell, owned by Dr. Yes so that he can use me for his evil plot.

_room service enters_

Room Service: Hi, you're in an awesome hotel room, which is really more like a cell, owned by Dr. Yes so that he can use you for his evil plot. I'm room service. Is there anything you'd like?

Blond: Uh, are the cookies soaked in Anti-Freeze?

Room Service: How would you-

Blond: _slightly arrogant _My other hotel room had TV Reception.

Room Service; Sorry, Dr. Yes has been trying to upgrade from dish network to cable, but so far he's not finding any deals.

Blond: Tell him that while he's upgrading he should get HD. It's SO worth it.

RS: OK, do you need anything?

Blond: Are you able to tell me where you are keeping other prisoners?

RS: You're referring to Felisha? _Blond nods _Oh, sorry, I wish I could, but that would totally violate the rules of Dr. Yes. And he's mighty strict with those rules.

Blond: I see. I imagine he doesn't pay you very well, does he?

RS: _slightly awkwardly _Well... you know...

Blond: Yeah, I know. I've done my share of work with the other side. Minimum wage and they treat you like dirt. It's disgusting.

RS: Well...uh....

Blond: It's OK, I know.

RS: No, you couldn't even imagine. I mean, I've had some pretty bad jobs, but this is far worse than any of those. If you even so much as disagree with him, he bites your head off!

Blond: Yeah...

RS: And not only that, but in HIS eyes, everyone's expendable! He doesn't like someone, he shoots em! And I get paid minimum wage for some crappy overlord with red marker on his face to kill me! I can't LIVE with that! I really can't anymore! He has pushed me TOO FAR! Do you hear me? TOO FAR!!!

Blond: _a bit surprised _And you know what? You can make it EVEN worse for him if you were to let me and Felisha go?

RS: _her rage may be started to fade _What do you mean?

Blond: _worried she's isn't going to let him go _I mean... think of it! _Making everything over-the-top _Dr. Yes comes in finding you letting me go, and I take Felisha with me, and that leaves him nothing but DISPAIR! He'll cry, like this, "NO! NO! NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! IT'S NOT TRUE! ALL THIS FOR NOTHING!" And he'll feel like scum and you can tell him how all those years YOU felt like scum and he'll finally understand how it feels! You'll have revenge! See? Revenge!!!

RS: _mumbling _Revenge..revenge....

Blond: Yes, you just give me Felisha's room number and...

RS: _a little bit more angry _Revenge...revenge....

Blond: Yes-yes-yes...

RS: NO!

Blond: _confused _No?

RS: YES!

Blond: Yes!

RS: Follow me! _Runs out the door into the hall, and Blond follows her_

_In slow motion, you see RS turn the corner, followed by Blond._

The Yes Room

_Dr. Yes's lip is twitching _

YM1: What's wrong, my-

_Dr. Yes quickly twitches his hand, killing YM1_

_[Chariots of Fire]_

_RS runs into the room first, shot of Dr. Yes_

Dr. Yes: Nooooooooo!

RS: Yeah!

_Blond, and then Felisha enter. Blond puts his arm around Felisha, and they continue running._

Dr. Yes's Parking Lot

_Blond and Felisha run side by side, then comes RS, then Dr. Yes. Dr. Yes opens his cell phone and dials Silverfinger's number._

Dr. Yes: You might want to come over here, Fru-Fru.

Silverfinger: Really?

Dr. Yes: _weakly _Yes.

_Blond and Felisha are still running. Blond leeps into the air._

Blond: Yehaw!

_[Chariots of Fire] stops_

Scene 12

Mission Room

_L, sadly sits in her regular place, as if Blond would walk in._

L: 006. Oh, 006. Late again. Where? _Sigh _Trapped in Dr. Yes's lair. Grand. 006. Get outta there.

_H rushes in_

L: H, do you have any decency? I-

H: If I had any decency, I must have left it in the hallway. I have wonderful news!

L: Unless you are about to say that Blond has escaped, I don't want to hear it.

H: Did someone already tell you then?

L: What?

H: Why, that 006 has escaped!

L: _overjoyed _HE DID WHAT?!?

H: He tricked one of Dr. Yes's assistants to letting him go! He and Felisha are on the loose, running everywhere to avoid Dr. Yes!

Scene 13

In a small village

_Blond and Felisha are both dressed up in silly costumes. Guard guy enters, and as they are about to pass him, he stops them._

Guard Guy: Excuse me, May I see your I.D.?

Blond: Uh, OK. _gets out I.D. and shows him._

GG: Wait a second! You have a $20,000 price on your head, buddy! I need backu-_Felisha hits GG over the head._

Felisha: _to Blond _You'd make a pretty crappy wanted criminal.

Blond: What would you call this?

Felisha: The Terminator T-1000 with lipstick.

Blond: What?

Felisha: You haven't seen "Terminator 2", have you?

Blond: I haven't even seen "Terminator 1"!

Felisha: _walking into the distance_ Well, you better. The LOP ought to be doing a parody of it soon.

Mission Room

L: So you found this out five minutes before it really happened?

H: That's right, with this TV! I just rented "From Japan with Hate" from Mr. Movies and saw James Blond escape!

L: Cool! Let's watch it!

H: OK. _Puts the video inside the TV _Alright, rolling.

_On the TV_

L in movie: 006. Oh, 006. Late again. Where? _Sigh _Trapped in Dr. Yes's lai-

L in real life: H, I've already seen this part. Fast forward through these.

H: OK. _TV fast-forwards through all of the things happening then, and then shows them watching the video, then get up, and run out._

L: Hey, I think we missed something good!

H: It really messes you up if you see what you do before it happens. It messes the video editor up, too.

L: OK, what's this now?

H: You know, even though there's gonna be this huge goof in the plot, I think it would be better if the audience just saw it themselves rather than watching us watch it and then run out of the room in epiphany.

L: Weird.

Streets of the small village

Blond: And he just rips the skin off his arm? Why?

Felisha: See, Dyson was the one that started Skynet, and the Terminator was just trying to prove a point.

Blond: This sounds awfully gory, what is this rated?

Felisha: Oh, it's R.

Blond: I thought so. Go on, keep going.

Felisha: So then they have to blow up the buliding...

_Blond sees Dr. Yes, behind Felisha_

Felisha: Oh, don't worry about that, Dyson was the only one killed, and really it was for the greater good.

Blond: Felisha, don't look now, but-_beat _Oh, forget it, turn around!

_Felisha turns around, sees Dr. Yes, screams and runs away._

Blond: It's my turn!

_Blond looks at Dr. Yes, screams, and runs away._

Blond: _catching up with Felisha _You scream like a girl.

Felisha: Good. I **am **a girl.

Blond: Right.

_Blond and Felisha come to a dead end, and standing there is H._

H: Hello, 006. How are you today?

Blond: Confused. How did you suddenly get that British accent?

H: I just met Desmond Llewelyn and found out that Q had a brittish accent, so I thought I better take one up.

Blond: Desmond Llewelyn is dead.

H: May he rest in peace.

Blond: How did you find us?

H: Indeed, I just created the most interesting invention. You see, 006, I have watched the film being recorded at this very moment, in the future.

Blond: God, H, please don't go "Star Trek" on me.

H: No, never fear. Anyway, I rented "From Japan with Hate" from Mr. Movies, and viola! I found out what happens after this. I saved the ending for a suprise.

Blond: Good. I want to decide what I do for myself, thanks.

H: I have here two bikes in wondrous condition. They should be perfect for the upcoming chase scene. Gotta enjoy it, it's the last one.

Blond: I thought you said you didn't watch the ending!

H: I didn't! _Blond is leaving _Be careful!

Blond: Now H, have I ever let you down?

H: Frequently.

Scene 14

Chase Scene

[Secret Agent Man]

_Blond and Felisha are turned around and slowly, they figure out that Dr. Yes is about to colide with them, they quickly turn a corner. Dr. Yes is still running, and gets tired and stops. Silverfinger runs up to him._

Silverfinger: What's wrong?

Dr. Yes: Those two got bikes from H, and we've just got our feet! It's not fair!

Silverfinger: Duh, We're bad guys. We can steal from other people and no one gives a lollipop.

Dr. Yes: _surprised at the last word used _Right.

_Silverfinger goes up to somewhere that has a biking rack _(Perkins?) _and finds a cool bike and steals it. Dr. Yes comes up to the same biking rack and finds that was the last bike. He goes up to Little Kid on his scooter._

Dr. Yes: Hello, little kid.

Little Kid: Hi.

Dr. Yes: Can I use your scooter?

Little Kid: No! Mommy told me not to talk to strangers!

Dr. Yes: _in deep voice _You will give me your scooter.

Little Kid: I will give you my scooter. _does so_

Dr. Yes: Then, you will go get a mocha from Starbucks.

Little Kid: Then, I will go get a mocha from Starbucks.

Dr. Yes: Here's some money for the mocha. _gives him some money _It should cover the costs.

Little Kid: Right on.

_Little Kid Exits_

Dr. Yes: Mwahahahhahahhahahhahahha! _scooters off_

_find one building to set the camera's focus on. Then, James Blond bikes past, directly followed by Felisha, then Silverfinger, then, after all of them, comes Dr. Yes, scooting past._

_Tention rising shots begin, for example, a face shot of each person, then Silverfinger reaching out to touch Blond's bike. Then the sweat falling off Blond face, etc._

_Once they reach the old movie theater, they suddenly stop, if any hats are on their heads, they should be taken off at this time, and they all put their right hands on their hearts. They stand like this for about five to ten seconds, then they quickly put their hats on/get their bike back in gear, and then begin again._

Blond: Felisha?

Felisha: Yes?

Blond: Could you ride back a little bit and see if Dr. Yes still has my gun?

Felisha: OK. _she tips over into the ditch, and then stands up again. After a while, Dr. Yes comes in view, with the gun in his right pocket. Just as he scoots past, she grabs the gun and gets back on her bike, and rides up to Blond. _

Felisha: Got it!

_hands the gun to Blond (while biking?) and Blond shoots Silverfinger's tire._

Blond we've done it!

_They turn a corner and Blond jumps off his bike, and the bike fall gracefully. Felisha, hovever, just brakes._

Felisha: Completely unnecessary.

Blond: Really? I can never tell.

Felisha: Remember, we only got his bike, not him.

Blond: We need to find a way to get to him.

Felisha: Wait! _pulls out a card _I found this at the receptionist's desk!

Blond: _reads _You are invited to S.P.A.M.'s annual cheese and wine tasting. Where: Dr. Yes's evil lair, When: Tomorrow. _to Felisha _Wait a minute, that's tomorrow!

Felisha: _sarcasticly _No, really?

Blond: Yes! Tomorrow! Wait a second, this has wine! We're too young to drink!

Felisha: That's why it only LOOKS like wine! Really, it's...

Blond: OK, OK, just don't spoil the magic of the film!

Felisha: This doesn't have any magic, James.

Blond: But wait, I've tried to get into meetings from S.P.A.M. before, and found out there's an extremely tight guest list. They'd be sure to catch us as a guest!

Felisha: That's it! I've got it!

Blond: What?

Scene 15

Next Day

Yes Room

_it should look very nice and prim, unlike the Yes Room ever was before._

Silverfinger: Ah, dear, thank you for joining us tonight.

Cutie: No prob, Fru-Fru, I always love cheese and _beat, as if to simbolize quotes _Wine!

Silverfinger: That's right, dearie. Speaking of which, may I have another glass of _beat _Wine?

Cutie: You sure can, Mr. Silverfinger. _goes to get one_

Announcey guy: And now presenting, our opening act! Now presenting Bob Fossie and Ethel Merman singing "Anything Goes"!

Dr. Yes: _sitting next to Silverfinger _Aren't they both dead?

Silverfinger: _interrupting _Shut up!

Felisha: _enters_ _singing_

Times have changed,  
And we've often rewound the clock,  
Since the Puritans got a shock,  
When they landed on Plymouth Rock.  
Blond: _singing_

If today,  
Any shock they should try to stem,  
'Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock,  
Plymouth Rock would land on them.

Both: In

Blond: olden days a glimpse of stocking  
Was looked on as something shocking,  
But now, God knows,  
Anything Goes.

Blond: Good authors too who once knew better words,  
Now only use four letter words  
Writing prose, Anything Goes.

Felisha: _spoken _Madness! _singing_

The world has gone mad today  
And good's bad today,  
And black's white today,  
And day's night today,  
When most guys today  
That women prize today  
Are just silly

Who really Knows?

Blond:

And though I'm not a great romancer  
I know that I'm bound to answer  
When you propose,  
Anything goes

Felisha:  
When grandmama whose age is eighty  
In night clubs is getting matey with pantyhose  
Anything Goes.

Blond:  
When mothers pack and leave poor father  
Because they decide they'd rather be tennis pros,  
Anything Goes.

If driving fast cars you like,  
Felisha:

If low bars you like,

Blond:

If old hymns you like,

Felisha:

If bare limbs you like,

Blond:

If Adam West you like  
Or me undressed you like,  
Why, nobody will oppose!

Felisha: _spoken _You wanna bet?

Cutie: I really oppose!

Voice from the back of the room: I oppose too! What does oppose mean?

Blond: You've got to be kidding me.

_singing_

When every night,  
The set that's smart  
Is intruding in nudist parties in studios,

Felisha: _spoken_ Crude.

Blond: _singing_ Anything Goes.

Cutie: The world has gone mad today  
Dr. Yes: And good's bad today,  
Blond: And black's white today,  
Felisha: And day's night today,  
When most guys today  
That women prize today  
Are just silly ba-

Blond: _spoken _We're going for PG, Felisha.

Felisha: _spoken _That was you talking earlier.

Blond: Right. _singing_  
And though I'm not a great romancer  
I know that I'm bound to answer  
When you propose,  
All:

Anything goes

Frier Lawrence: If saying your prayers you like,  
Dad from J+R: If green pears you like  
Doll: If old chairs you like,  
Merlin in Maw: If back stairs you like,  
Mrs. Gordwin: If love affairs you like  
With oldie bears you like,  
Why nobody will oppose!

All: _spoken _Ewww!

_Singing_  
And though I'm not a great romancer  
I know that I'm bound to answer  
When you propose,  
Anything goes...  
Anything goes!

Blond: _spoken, like austin powers _Yeah, baby, yeah!

_Blond and Felisha exit_

_Dr. Yes turns to Silverfinger_

Dr. Yes: What are those people's real names? I know for a fact that Ethel Merman doesn't sing that well!

Silverfinger: OK, fine, I'll check them out. _Goes up to Cutie, who looks in her notebook and whispers something to Silverfinger. He walks back over to Dr. Yes._

Silverfinger: Get this! The guy's name's James Blond! And he's blonde! It's that halarious?

Dr. Yes: No! James Blond is our arch nemesis, remember?

Silverfinger: Really? Oh my god!

Dr. Yes: Come on! We need to stop him!

_they run backstage_

Scene 16

Behind The Yes Room

_James Blond and Felisha are hiding_

Blond: Do you see him?

Felisha: Which one?

Blond: Either.

Felisha: Yeah, I think I see Dr. Yes!

Blond: OK, Shhhhhh!

_Dr. Yes and Silverfinger enter_

Dr. Yes: Great! Where did they go?

Silverfinger: Here, let's split up. You go over there, I'll look over here. _points to the side Blond is hiding._

Dr. Yes: Got it. _Looks over there_

_Silverfinger comes closer and closer and then Blond jumps from behind the thingy (slow motion) and shoots at Silverfinger and misses._

Silverfinger: You missed.

Blond: Crap. _shoots again and Silverfinger dies._

Felisha: Yes, James, you've done it! I'm so proud of you!

Blond: He should stay dead this time.

_Dr. Yes runs and tackles Blond._  
Dr. Yes: You've met your end, James Blond!

_Blond whacks his spinal coard, and Dr. Yes falls to a heap._

Felisha: But, James, You've only knocked him out. What are you going to do now?

_It shows a few hours later, Dr. Yes wakes up in the middle of the road and a car beeps and is about to hit him. Goes back to Blond._

Blond: I have ideas.

Scene 17

Mission Room

_A cermomony is presented to Blond, wearing a medal and L and H shakes his hand._

L: A symbol of your country indeed, 006.

H: Well done, jolly old chap.

Blond: Too over the top I think, H.

_Blond and Felisha embrace._

_Matt is just standing there, eating cheese and crackers._

Matt: Well, I have to do SOMETHING!

Blond: Come on, Felisha.

Scene 18

2 Hours Later

Mission Room

H: _no longer has British accent _Well, I got a invention to show ya.

L: And what is that?

H: Weall, ya see, there's this camera that I can make fly anywhere. Look here, I can fly it into Blond's bed- what the....!

L: _surprised _006! Get your camera out of there!

H: Uh, I'm going to bed! _runs out_

L: Note to self: Never give H caffeine. He'll get sugar drunk. _turns off the screen, sigh _006, oh 006. You got the girl, didn't ya. 006.

_shakes her head and walks to close the door, looks back._

L: James Blond.

_turns around and turns the lights off._

_The End..._

Until we return for

"You Only Live Thrice"!


End file.
